


Almosts.

by mujiwastesink



Category: Goyo: Ang Batang Heneral (2018)
Genre: Angst, Closure, Goven, Heartbreak, Jovente, M/M, Prequel, short short short story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 05:53:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17975675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mujiwastesink/pseuds/mujiwastesink
Summary: They almost had a chance. The thing is, almost is always never quite enough.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I imported this from Twitter! Hahaha. This was actually my first fic sa fandom na 'to so pardon the sucky writing. I promise that my later works are so much better than this kssnsksksksk
> 
> Follow me on Twitter: @mujiwastesink

joven and vicente have called each other "babe" for as long as everyone can remember. not even they can remember how it all started, but here's the thing: everyone knows it's a joke.  
  
well, at least not for joven. throughout high school, the running gag was the subject of laughter for their class, because of the flirty nature of the jokes that occassionally contained some dirty humor.  
  
it's all just a joke.  
  
it was at first, but even he knew that it was not going to be a joke forever.   
  
joven has only ever loved two people in his life before vicente. his two ex-girlfriends, however, have never made him felt valued the way vicente does. even if it's just a joke, he can't help but feel like he should choose to be selfish for once and stay in this joke. (because, right now, this is the only thing keeping him from feeling like shit.)  
  
vicente, as a fake boyfriend, is a great one. he's a really great friend that joven knows he can always count on. you text him "i'm hungry" and he'll climb to your room and bring some snacks. you tweet out that you're scared in your dorm room because your roommates went home and you'll have an instant roommate for the night. (well, there was this one time when they cuddled to sleep, but it's just part of the joke, right? no big deal.)   
  
so, why would joven want to end something like this? he knows he can't possibly get out of this joke without putting a damper on his friendship with vicente.


	2. Chapter 2

ch 2

"babe, eto na pala yung hiniram kong p.e. shirt mo. buti lang may extra ka hahaha, joven said as soon as vicente opened his door. the shirt was neatly attached to a hanger, without a dirt in sight (the july field activity forced every student in their grade to roll around the muddy field in their pastel-blue colored p.e. uniform. joven, ever the overreacting germaphobe, almost had a breakdown mid-routine).

"ay, salamat babe. muntik ko nang makalimutan."vicente caught a whiff of fragrance as he took the shirt from joven.

"ilang oras ba to binabad sa downy passion?" he amusedly said with a smirk. joven couldn't help but inwardly giggle when he saw that face.

"sige, babalik na muna ako sa kwarto ko," joven said. unless.. may kailangan ka?"

wow. how suggestive.

"wala naman," vicente replied. "ay, oo nga pala. sabini julian, remedios at clara, dalhin daw kita mamaya."

"ha? saan?"

"ewan. tambay lang daw tayo."

"okay."

**

while walking around the mall, joven started feeling irritated at julian's endless bragging. luckily, he had remedios to come up with witty remarks that, unfortunately, can only *temporarily* shut him up until he starts a new story.

why can't he just hang out with his "boyfriend", right?

well, his "boyfriend" was busy talking with clara while walking in front of the group. it's no secret to him that vicente used to be clara's suitor, but that ended way before their "relationship" started.

"babe, punta ka nga rito, vicente called out after an hour of senseless window-shopping. joven, bored and exasperated with julian and remedios' quarrels, obeyed immediately.

"oh, ano yun?"

"i have good news!" vicente exclaimed, near-tears and almost already jumping.

joven raised an eyebrow at this. this isn't new to him, vicente had a small range of interests and joven has seen him freak out over all of them but.. this seemed different.

"kami na ni clara!"

joven couldn't move. he felt his heart sink, and wanted to take what was left of his strength and run. but instead, he found himself unable to move a muscle and froze there in the front of the entrance of the perfume store.

"seryoso, kami na!l" vicente repeated, completely unaware of  
what's going on.

joven wanted to scream at him right then and there. for  
goodness sake, they were almost always together. aside  
from being hurt over the man that he loved, what hurt more is  
that he was never informed over a possible rekindling of the  
vicente-clara thing.

if he knew, maybe he couldve braced himself.

**_shit, maybe i know nothing about you after all, enteng_**.

joven's mind was a turmoil. he wanted to let all of his anger and disappointment out.

but all he could manage to make out was...

"oh, ok.'


	3. Chapter 3

the guilt that vicente feels still makes his body shake two years later. as he maneuvered the wheel in his hands and drives through the gates of where joven studies for college, he found himself seconds away from turning around and letting joven be.  
  
_he never knew._  
  
two years ago, after he told joven about his then-girlfriend clara, joven responded with an "oh, ok" and then had to leave them at the mall because of a "text message". for reasons unknown to him then, joven started to be distant, and wasn't his jolly, old self anymore. surprisingly, he gave his 100% focus on his studies (which was previously just 75%, according to joven himself) and graduated on top of his class.  
  
even after they separated for college, joven still did not speak a word to him.  
  
joven was silent, but his twitter wasn't. for the past year, everyone was talking about his deep, cryptic tweets that nobody understood. one thing was clear, someone had hurt him. badly. and as soon as vicente realized this, he was angry. he was afraid at what he could do when he finds out who the fuck hurt his dear friend.  
  
and it's not like vicente didn't try to talk to him about it, either. he asked him about it once and joven simply said that he's fine. (and answered in first-name basis, by the way.)  
  
in joven's first day in college, vicente wished him good luck through text and joven simply sent back a "thank you".  
  
when joven found new friends in college and was finally posting about having fun with them, vicente thought he was back to his old self.  
  
well, he kinda was and wasn't. he was becoming active in their high school group chat again, but was still ignoring his efforts to be friends with him again. and so he quit, at least until february.  
  
valentine's day. vicente reached out to one of joven's college friends to help him send flowers. it was just another effort to try to remind him of their friendship. how they used to be fake boyfriends. how they were always there for each other.  
  
but when joven found out who sent him the flowers, he wasn't happy.  
  
"hey, did you like the flowers?" vicente messaged him that night. "i miss talking to you."  
  
"hayaan mo na nga ako," joven replied.  
  
"uy, bakit? may problema ba tayo?" vicente panickingly asked. he didn't mean for this to happen. this isn't what he planned. "kausapin mo naman ako, joven."  
  
"we have nothing left to say to each other."  
  
"joven..." if vicente wasn't confused before, he sure was now.  
  
"hayaan mo na akong sumaya, vicente. i depended too much on you for my happiness. i need to know how to give myself happiness."  
  
"joven, hindi ko maintindihan... may nagawa ba ako?"  
  
"wow. baka hindi nga talaga kilala, pagkatapos ng lahat. hindi ko alam na ganyan ka pala ka manhid."  
  
"joven..."  
  
"nakakapagod kang mahalin, vicente. hayaan mo na akong kalimutan ka. hayaan mo akong patawarin ang sarili ko sa katangahan ko."  
  
_so, kasalanan ko pala 'tong lahat. naiintindihan ko na._


	4. Chapter 4

"ah, si joven? roommate ko yan! pumunta yung barkada nila sa burol sa gilid ng campus. may post-finals picnic daw."  
  
"ah, sige. salamat tol," vicente taps the stranger's shoulder and puts joven's photo back in his wallet. he goes back to his car and takes a deep breath for nth time today.   
  
"handa na ako, joven. handa na akong bumawi sa'yo."  
  
**  
  
joven's twitter might've been very loud, but it was also as mysterious as it was revealing. people would know that he's hurt, he's heartbroken, and is struggling with letting go, but nobody would know who it is. except maybe julian, feli, remy, and of course, vicente. but until recently, the account suddenly just focused on his own life. his school complaints, his societal rants, his insecurity-related breakdowns, and sometimes his insights about love.  
  
"i'm done with the diss tweets," he announced one day during lunch. "masyado nang matagal, hindi ba?"  
  
"pero, joven," remedios adds. "you have every right to be angry at him. he can't do that to you."  
  
"tatahimik na lang ako. respeto ko na lang yan sa relasyon nila."  
  
**  
  
the "backhill", as the students would call it, is the most peaceful place in the campus. with a large tree in the center, and a park-like design, it would be the perfect place for what vicente has decided to be where the past three years should lead up to.  
  
and from afar, he sees him. and stares at him for a few minutes. he can hear him laugh out loud at whatever he and his group is talking about, and vicente can't help but smile at hearing joven's laugh again.  
  
noong huli ko siyang narinig na tumawa, ako pa noon ang dahilan.   
  
_what have you done, vicente?_  
  
joven gets up and runs around with his friends and laughs louder than he did. every once in a while, his glasses would refract the sunrays and keep him from seeing joven's eyes. even from afar, he can still appreciate how much they have changed. and he misses the way his eyes lit up when he used to be happy.  
  
_he used to be happy._  
  
_he's smiling. joven is smiling._  
  
_joven is finally smiling._  
  
as joven continues to run around the hill, he trips on a stone and falls to his knees. luckily, the grass-covered ground didn't hurt him.  
  
vicente, startled upon seeing this, felt his body involuntarily shake. he got ready to run to joven, but at the last second, stops.  
  
_tama bang pumunta ako dito?_  
  
_masaya na siya. sisira--_  
  
"vi-vicente?" joven faintly calls, seemingly unsure of who he's calling to.  
  
and then their eyes met. at their first contact after a long, tiring year, this moment felt like eternity.  
  
vicente's knees shook as he slowly gained all of his strength to walk over to him.   
  
**  
  
how strange.   
  
this morning, he woke up with the realization that maybe clara was right yesterday. that maybe the reason why he wasn't completely "there" during the relationship is because he was looking for someone else. (although clara didn't say a name, someone's name did come to his mind as soon as she said this.)  
  
"mahal mo siya, vicente. at mahal ka rin niya. at kahit mahal kita, hindi kita pipigilang sumaya. paalam," clara tearily said, and got on the bus. as vicente watched her go, all he felt was the stinging feeling of guilt. he had a good cry on his car on the drive home, and spent the rest of the night recounting all the things that he had fucked up for the past three years. his friendship with joven. his relationship with clara. in the end, he has to choose.  
  
and so, the next morning, he got up and asked his classmates to tell his teachers that he was sick, got on his car, and drove to the opposite side of the city.  
  
and now he's here. face to face with the person he should've loved back sooner.  
  
_"vicente."_  
  
_"joven."_


	5. Chapter 5

"uy, kumusta ka na?" joven cheerfully asked. there was an undeniable awkwardness in the atmosphere, but those were mostly just from vicente.  
  
"ok naman. ikaw?"  
  
"i'm really good. ba't ka pala nan--"  
  
"uy, ba! anong ginagawa mo diyan?!" a man from the top of the hill asked. joven turned around to answer.  
  
"classmate ko lang from high school, ba!"  
  
**_"ba"?_**  
  
the guy screamed a faint "okay" and continued what they were doing with their friends.   
  
"so, ba't ka pala nandito?"  
  
"ah, wala naman. binisita ko kasi yung tita ko na malapit lang nakatira," vicente lied. "napadaan ako sa school niyo, at naisipan ko lang na bisitahin ka."  
  
"oh," joven simply says. he's a bit surprised. why would vicente want to visit him? after he told him to stay away for good?   
  
but then again, it doesn't even matter now.   
  
"well it's really good to see you, enteng. masaya ako at okay ka naman."  
  
"and likewise," vicente responds.  
  
and then an awkward silence.  
  
"so, "ba", huh?" he finally asks moments later. "kelan pa yan? is he your boyfriend? " he then mentally slaps himself for unintentionally sounding jealous.  
  
"ah, you mean goyo? no, we're not dating," joven replied with a chuckle. "not yet, anyway. nanliligaw pa lang."  
  
**_oh, ok._**  
  
"goyo? parang narinig ko na ang pangalang yan ah."  
  
"kapatid yan ni julian. yung sa america nag-high school. can you believe, kung anong yabang ni julian? yun din kaseryoso yan? babaero nga lang. but he's changed. dahil daw sa akin, apparently. maybe that's why hindi pa ako sigurado kung sasagutin ko pa. but he makes me really happy, you know? it's been a while since I felt like this."  
  
_the way he talks about him... ang saya nga niya. and he deserves this. pagkatapos nang lahat ng pinagdaanan niya sakin, karapat-dapat lang to sa kanya._  
  
_at karapat-rapat lang ding tanggapin ko ang sakit na minsan ko na ring pinaramdam sa kanya._  
  
"so you're really happy now, huh?" vicente asks. he tried his best to not choke up while speaking and to hide any possible evident sign of pain in his face. "deserve mo 'yan, joven. pagkatapos ng pinagdaanan mo. pagkatapos ng lahat ng pinaramdam ko sa'yo. i'm really sorry. for everything. "  
  
"salamat, vicente. at wag ka nang mag-sorry. pinatawad na kita. matagal ko nang pinagpasyahang bitawan ka, at kahit anong sakit ang naramdaman ko noon, mas pipiliin kong alalahanin ang mga masasayang araw. pinagpasyahan kong maalala ka bilang kaibigan ko, hindi bilang ang lalaking hindi ako kayang mahalin."  
  
_pero mahal kita, joven. hindi ako makaalala ng sandaling hindi kita minahal. hindi ko lang napansin agad, pero totoong minahal kita._  
  
"sa totoo lang, natakot akong baka hindi ka maka-move on," vicente says instead. "hindi ko mapigilang makaramdam ng pagsisisi. nakakagagong isiping grabeng sakit ang dinulot ko sa'yo. natakot akong baka hindi ka na magiging masaya ulit. natakot akong hindi na tayo magiging magkaibigan ulit."  
  
"pero okay na ako, vicente."  
  
"at masaya akong okay ka na, joven. masaya akong hindi ka na takot sa pag-ibig, at masaya akong may nagpapasaya sa iyo ngayon."  
  
_kahit hindi yun ako._  
  
"i wish you all the best, joven. lagi mong tatandaan na nandito ako lagi para sa iyo. kung sasakitin ka niyan... nako."  
  
"HAHAHAHA. lagi rin akong nandito para sa'yo. and i also wish all the best for you and clara."  
  
"meh... wala na yun."  
  
"oh, sorry."  
  
after a long three years, it's finally over. no matter how much he loves joven, he needs to let him go.   
  
he needs to. for joven's sake.  
  
a comfortable silence wrapped the two of them for a few minutes. they spent their silence watching joven's friends have fun on top of the hill.   
  
as the sun began to set, vicente realized he should finally stop holding joven back and leave.  
  
"anyway, joven, uuwi na ako. baka hindi ako makaabot ng curfew sa dorm."  
  
"okay." joven answers with a smile. "be safe."  
  
"i will," vicente answers. before he opens his car's door, he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"can i at least get a hug?" joven asks with a lighthearted smile.   
  
"of course."  
  
so this is what the truth feels like. ito pala ang pakiramdam ng pilit na pagtanggap ng katotohanan.  
  
_ito pala ang naramdaman mo, joven._  
  
**_*end*_**  



End file.
